Letting Resentments Go

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." ~ Carrie Fisher

Resentments are sneaky, tricky little things. They can convince us they're justified. They can dry up our hearts. They can sabotage our happiness. They can sabotage love.

Most of us have been at the receiving end of an injustice at some time in our lives. Most of us know someone who's complained of an injustice we've done to him or her. Life can be a breeding ground for resentments, if we let it.

"Yes, but this time I really was wronged," we complain.

Maybe you were. But harboring resentment isn't the solution. If it were, our resentment list would resemble the Los Angeles telephone directory. Deal with your feelings. Learn whatever lesson is at hand. Then let the feelings go.

Resentments are a coping behavior, a tool of someone settling for survival in life. They're a form or revenge. The problem is, no matter whom we're resenting, the anger is ultimately directed against ourselves.

Take a moment. Search your heart. Have you tricked yourself into harboring resentment? If you have, take another moment and let that resentment go.

Remembering to Love

"One of the attributes of love . . . is to bring harmony and order out of chaos." ~ Molly Haskell

Have we forgotten how to love in our hurried passage through life? Perhaps we need reminding that love focuses our attention and guides our direction. Our actions aren't hurried and our feelings aren't confused and unraveled when we're loving others and ourselves. Love offers form and enhancement to each moment.

When we experience the love of another, we remember our importance, and theirs, to the circle of life, and we feel encouraged, at times even impelled, to share the enchantment of love with someone new.

When the day's frantic activities crowd the heart's silent places, we must slow our pace and take notice of the loved ones in our presence, there by intent, remembering with them the design that has captured us and given meaning to our lives.

GOHU Research...Just Because

In Robert Cialdini's book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, he cites Eleen Langer's interesting research that found that people are more likely to comply with requests and do people favors if the request is followed by the word "because."

She had people cut to the front of a long line at the copy machine in the library and ask to be allowed to make copies before all the people who had been waiting in line for a while to make copies. The study found that 94% of people acceded to the request when it was followed by the phrase "because I am in a rush." while only 60% acceded to the request with a reason given. But what was really amazing was that when the reason was changed to "because I have to make some copies," nearly as many (93%) acceded as with the "I'm in a rush" reason.

Professor Cialdini suggests that we are programmed socially to accede to request when reasons are offered.

He who has ears, let him hear.

I always entertain great hopes. ~ Robert Frost

In our honest journey, we must admit life is often difficult and painful. But these facts do not describe all of life, and they do not determine how we respond. The sun rises warm and bright after a cold and dark night. The open, generous smile of a small child reaches into the soft part of us all. To be strong and hardy men on this path, we must be truthful about the pain and unfairness in life while holding firmly to a belief in all the generous possibilities.

Surrendering to despair, we trade the uncertainty of options for the certainty of gloom. Then we might say, "At least I'm never disappointed this way." Life isn't filled only with difficulty and pain. It is also filled with people whose dignity and spirit rise above their circumstances. There are situations when great sacrifice or love and wisdom turn a problem into an opportunity and strength. If we look at what has happened in our own lives and in those of others, we have ample reason to hope.

Living Your Priorities

"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." ~ Goethe

Here is a simple way to get in touch with your priorities. Imagine that you have an incurable illness and are given six months to live. As the doctors inform you of their findings, see yourself accepting your imminent mortality with the resolve, "I am going to spend the last months of my life living to the fullest, doing those things that are truly important to me." Then imagine yourself living out those six months in the manner in which you have decided.

Afterwards, note your experience. During your remaining days, what did you do, who did you see, and where did you go? What do these choices say about what is really important to you - your values and priorities? Are you living them today? If you are not, you may want to learn from Tony's story.

After being diagnosed with AIDS, Tony decided to embrace life. He bought a house, planted a garden, and nurtured his important relationships. As a result, he lived the remaining three years of his life in pure joy.

The tragedy is that his life ended just as he was beginning to live. Why wait for a life threatening experience to motivate you to take action? Confront your fears and pursue what brings you happiness and joy.

There is no better time than now.

"To the extent that we want something from someone, to that exact degree we will be in pain." ~ Joan Walsh Anglund

The more I want from others, the less I seem to get. "I want what I want when I want it!" is a set-up for pain. To constantly expect and demand from others is like feeding fat to my ego. It grows large and spoiled. After a while of that expectation gluttony, I become obsessed with controlling others. Every rejection is magnified by my blaming anger. It feeds the LIE that I have an empty hole inside that must be filled by others.

When I stop expecting, demanding, and controlling, new miracles begin to happen. People actually start to move toward me. I become safe to others as they sense they can freely choose to give or not to give to me.

Dear Lord, help me to know today that all I have been needing all my life is found in You. Amen

Every human being is a problem in search of a solution. ~ Ashley Montagu

Each of us is a strong and fragile creature. We're always subject to forces outside our control, and we're learning steps for living that help us cope and rise above these problems. Our particular situation might seem special to us but in another sense, everyone's situation is a unique problem. Spiritual growth is the result of coming face to face with our own situation, feeling the brunt of our own puzzlement, recognizing no recipe will apply completely, and then trusting our loving Father God as we make unsure responses.

No school or parent can ever teach us enough to smooth our search for solutions. We become complete human beings by living through the muddle, by truly trusting our connections with God and other people to carry us along until we find clarity again. We progress into adulthood when we meet our own particular life crises. We learn to see we have this process in common with every human being. Rather than resist our problems, we band together with others and pool our strength to find solutions.

Dear Lord, help me see my problems today as opportunities for spiritual growth. Amen

I've never made so many women cry...

So, on Wednesday, February 14, from 8AM-5PM, I was running all over east Dallas, Mesquite, and downtown Dallas doing Singing Valentines with three other guys from the Vocal Majority. This is a tradition for quartets and choruses in the Barbershop Harmony Society. We do it every year and there are actually quartets available in all 50 states and even some international countries. Anyway, we had a big time. We sang for 13 different people, at office buildings, homes, a nursing facility, etc. We even managed to fit in a few freebies. We sang for our breakfast at Barbec's, dropped by my CPA's office and sang to his secretary - hey! Tax season is coming and I need every little edge I can get! - and (this shouldn't surprise you at all) we even sang for free coffee at Starbucks!

Something about me...and something about you...

There's a brief psychological exam that has been in use for years called the Myers-Briggs Temperament Inventory*. It has been around for so long because it is both reliable (shows consistent results) and valid (actually demonstrates what it claims). I first took the Myers-Briggs in college and have taken it since then a number of times, all with the same results.

I am a Counselor Idealist (INFJ). For a brief description of this Type and to learn more "about me" go to this website - http://www.keirsey.com/personality/nfij.html - and/or just Google INFJ and learn to your heart's content!

*To take a FREE online version of the Myers-Briggs Temperament Inventory, go to http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm and follow the instructions. If you want, feel free to post your results in a bulletin or on your blog. If you don't care to, however, be assured that no tragedy, illness or blight on your current/future love life will befall you.

Sushi and Singing on Thursdays!

One of my favorite times of
the week is on Thursdays -
after work but before Vocal
Majority rehearsal - when I
meet my buddy, Mitch, for a
HUGE sushi dinner. The sushi
is actually normal size...
there's just a lot of it! Yum!
:-)

...boooooriiiiing..

Yeah...maybe I'll get around to actually blogging something besides pictures of myself one of these days...

My Celebrity Look-Alikes - 3

http://www.myheritage.com

My Celebrity Look-Alikes - 2

My Celebrity Look-Alikes - 1

Wisconsin for Thanksgiving!

Well, this is my last day in the office for a while as I'm heading to Stevens Point, Wisconsin, to visit my friends, Kyle & Melissa Rickert, and their families for Thanksgiving 2006. I love to travel over the Thanksgiving holidays. I understand that most folks like to spend the holiday with family, because my family lives in the same city as I do, I typically take Thanksgiving to spend with those friends who live in far-flung parts of the world. I last saw the Rickerts in February 2005 when they were stationed in The Philippines with Peace Corp. Here's a picture of us on the porch of their nipa hut...

Oh, and if it looks as if the sun is shining directly on us, here's a picture of the view from that porch...

Anyway, really looking forward to seeing them. They've since bought a house, gotten pregnant, and both acquired jobs...the American Dream, I suppose. Should be a blast and I'll be back next Saturday. But never fear, I'll be posting on the fly! God bless you and yours and Happy Thanksgiving!

Vocal Majority in Hot Springs, Arkansas

Click the link below to see some of our pictures from the Vocal Majority's recent shows in Hot Springs, Arkansas!

http://jonpierre.smugmug.com/gallery/2119074

Austin's 6th Street

*sighs* Not much to do on 6th Street in Austin as a non-partier...except enjoy the beautiful sunset! :-D

Brooks & Jordan

Brooks & Jordan - the friends I visited in Abilene last Wednesday!

Trip to Santa Fe, In Summary

I'm on my way back from Santa Fe, New Mexico, right now. I left early enough to get back in time for commitments this evening, barring unforeseen circumstances. My trip went well, without incident.

I continue to be amazed at the Lord's working of changes in me. Of course there were times I was tempted and had to turn away from opportunity, as I imagine will always be the case. However, this happened with seemingly little effort on my part. There was no striving, sweating, clenched fists, or cries of deprivation that were ALWAYS present, historically. Its like this peaceful dream-state just comes over me and the thot comes to mind, "I don't do that anymore...that's not me."

As I revisit these places, experiences, friendships that were all soiled by my broken past, I experience them in a new/different way. I admit, its both disorienting and even boring compared to my old ways of doing things. But, I'm content with boredom over regret and bondage...for today.

Ten Thousand Waves

No trip to Santa Fe, New Mexico is complete without a trip to Ten Thousand Waves Japanese Spa! - www.tenthousandwaves.com