28 June 2007

Love

I Love, Therefore You Are : Why the modern search for self ends in despair.

Mark Galli posted 6/28/2007 08:41AM


Christianity Today

In a recent issue of The New Yorker, you can find a cartoon (see attached) with a couple sitting on a couch. One says to the other, "I don't want to be defined by who I am."



The line is so human and so modern. The human part is what makes it funny: Often, when we discover who we are, we want to deny it. But it's the modern part that most interests me: that relentless search for self, the yearning to know who I am.


As with so much of modernity, this is a highly individualistic quest, and as such, it is a pointless quest. Not because the search for meaning is pointless, but because the context of modernity—the individual—is a myth.



The myth becomes apparent when we start considering who we are from a biblical and Trinitarian perspective. Both the rigors of orthodox theology and the plain sense of New Testament passages reveal that the Trinity is not merely a formal and logical explanation of God's inner essence. It points to a reality that spills over into the universe. The reality is exposed ever so briefly by Jesus when, in praying for his disciples he says:



The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me … . I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them." (John 17:22, 26).


The formal doctrine of the Trinity, then, helps us grasp the nature of divine love.



First, it makes it clear that God's love for us cannot be based on his need for love and fellowship—as if we were necessary for a God of love to be complete. One hears this sort of silliness now and then, but it cannot be true of the Trinitarian God. This God has known love, and perfect love at that, from before the creation of time and space—love swirling between the Father and Son and Spirit. God created us not because he had to have someone to love to be self-fulfilled as God, but because the love of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit bubbled over into creation.



Given the type of love we reciprocate with—something rather paltry—this is a remarkable grace. God is slumming when he loves us. He doesn't need our imitation of perfect love, yet he reaches out, wanting us to grab his hand, simply because, well, he wants to.



Second, it sheds light on the modern question about who we are. For this Trinity-in-love, this Loving Trinity, is the God in whose image we have been created. If loving communion is at the core of the Trinity, it is also at the core of who we are.

Since the Enlightenment, we in the West have thought of ourselves mostly as solitary individuals, and individuals mostly defined by mind, by intellect. As Descartes put it, "I think, therefore I am."




This insight has blessed the Western world in many ways, but it has cursed us as well. It has led to an excruciating loneliness, which nineteenth and twentieth-century existentialists (Camus and Sartre, among others) articulated so powerfully. In the twenty-first century, it has led to deep despair, as expressed by many postmodern philosophers. When we take the individual as the starting point, we can find no way to satisfy the basic yearning of the human heart, which has been created for communion.



The biblical starting point, by contrast, says, "I love, therefore you are. You love, therefore I am." Our existence begins not with the solitary individual ruminating alone about the core of human identity, but with the creation of two people in relationship: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Gen. 1.27).



The question "Who am I" cannot be answered without first answering the question "Who are we?" We cannot conceive of ourselves (without stumbling into mere abstraction or doing violence to who we are) until we conceive of the other. At a very practical level, no human life can survive without the reciprocation of love.



Thus, our primary duty in life is not to find ourselves, to develop our gifts, or to make sense of life. Instead, we are called to love others so that they can come into existence, while they do the same for us.



That includes the miracle of creating babies, but it also means we can bring already breathing beings into existence. A simple example: As a teenager, my church youth director told me he wanted me to prepare a devotional for one of our weekly meetings. I objected, saying I was not ready or capable of doing so. He said I was being silly, that I was indeed ready, and insisted I prepare the devotional. I've had many such encounters in my life, when people have seen something in me that I have not seen in myself, and they have called it forth, out of the chaos. They have created me, that is, made me who I am today.



Sharing a meal or conversation, even sitting in silence with another, are acts that validate the existence of the other. Even we introverts recognize that life would be unbearable—I mean this literally; I would likely commit suicide—if we didn't have people in our lives. People like me may find it difficult to create or sustain intimacy, but because intimacy is available to entice (and frighten!) me, my life is not only bearable but also possible.



This all starts from the fact that we are first loved by God into existence, an existence framed by the Trinity-in-love, the image into which we have been created. Thus, we share in the mission of this Trinity, which is to create and sustain other beings in love.



That is not only our mission, but also our very identity: beings in relationship, beings defined by love. Because to love is to suffer, we might not want to be defined by this! But Jesus never said "abundant life" would be an easy life, only a blessed one.






http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/juneweb-only/126-42.0.html


Mark Galli is managing editor of Christianity Today and author of Jesus Mean and Wild: The Unexpected Love of an Untameable God (Baker 2007). You can respond to this column below, or on his blog.

27 June 2007

Love Is A Process

"I left because there was no room for me. But you could tell me not to go. Say it to me. Tell me not to go." ~ Stephen Sondheim, Sunday in the Park with George

To leave someone we love is to knowingly break a vital connection. Even if we chose to leave, we wonder why it often hurts so much. But the heart isn't logical; it feels the trauma of the loss and the responsibility of being the one to say good-bye.

Love is a process; it doesn't end because we say good-bye. No matter how painful or harmful a relationship was, there were good things about it, just as there were lovable things about the other person. The challenge is to accept with grace the choice we've made and to forgive whatever hurt we've received. We can refuse to indulge in self-righteousness or indignation. Those feelings are born out of the illusion of power that comes with being the one who leaves. Most of all, we can grieve the loss and then let go of the person we loved so that we can heal.

21 June 2007

Love versus Isolation

"Love itself is not an act of will, but sometimes I need the force of my volition to break with my habitual responses and pass along the love already here." ~ Hugh Prather
The familiarity of isolation is both haunting and inviting. In our separateness we contemplate the joys of shared hours with others while seeking the freedom from the pain that likewise hovers on the heels of intimate relationships. The question eternally whispering around our souls is, "Do I dare let you in, to share my space, to know my heart's longing, to feel my fears?" Only when we trust to say yes will we find the peace our souls long for.
Passage through the doors that separate us frees us to change, to grow, to love ourselves and others. We must plant our feet in the soil of shared lives to quiet our longing.

19 June 2007

Amazing Art Pieces by an up and coming artist

The art portfolio of Jordan Blakey. Some of these pieces are jaw dropping. He has an art show on June 22 in Dallas at the Starbucks at Dalrock and 66. This guy is freakin good



read more | digg story

15 June 2007

Changing Myself Is Enough

I can change only myself, but sometimes that is enough. ~ Ruth Humlecker

Happiness is more fleeting for some of us than for others. We may ponder this notion but fail to grasp the reason. However, careful attention to how "the happy ones" go through life will enlighten us. We will note how seldom they complain about others' actions. We will discover their willingness to accept others as they are. We will see that their attention is generally on the positive aspects of people and circumstances rather than on the negative.

We can join the parade of "happy ones" by letting go of our need to change people and situations that disturb us. Even when we are certain other people are wrong, we can let go of controlling them. Doing this means changing ourselves, of course. But this is the one thing in life we do have control over.

09 June 2007

Night of Music Legends: Art by Jordan Blakey

An art show of paintings & photography by Jordan Blakey at the Starbucks in Rowlett. Theme will be rock stars!Paintings of Hendrix, Bob Marley, John Lennon, Freddy Murcury, Johnny Cash, and even some modern rockers like Brandon Boyd, 2D - from Gorillaz, John Mayer.

07 June 2007

Recognizing & Eliminating Your Typical Distractions & Time Wasters

Checking email too often
There is some research that indicates that switching tasks or multi-tasking takes time as the brain adjusts to the new activity. If you are an addictive or compulsive email checker, consider doing an experiment to decrease the time spent checking your email:
- Limit checking your email to the Dr. Pepper pattern: 10-2-4. If you can manage, go down to 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. Then to once a day.
- Turn off the audible or visual indicator for new mail arriving.
- Set up automatic emails (autoresponderers) or websites to handle most repetitive inquiries. See an example of a site that I set up for the organizers of my workshops to get what they need from me at http://www.possibill.com/sponsors. This has saved me about 12 hours a month.
- Get off any mailing lists you no longer read, including this one Life's too short. Or gently ask the person who sends you all those political or humor emails to take you off their list, citing the desire to spend less time on the computer and more time living your life or spending time with your loved ones.

Surfing websites or the web too much
Here are some strategies to decrease your web surfing time. Learn more efficient web surfing. The few minutes you put in to this can save you hours of time each year. I learned one strategy (how to search a site I am on for the particular phrase of word I am looking for by choosing a menu command (it's usually under the Edit menu and is the "Find" or "Find on this page" option. This has saved me hours of time this year. Identify the sites you visit often and think clearly about the value vs. time spent equation. Are those funny YouTube videos really adding to the quality of your life? When I examined this area, I found I was visiting Macintosh rumor sites regularly. Ridiculous waste of time which added little value.
Watching mindless television shows
Do you really care who can dance or sing better than others? Or have you been led to care by clever television executives? At the end of the year, is the quality of your life better due to the television you have watched or not? Try going for a walk with a friend . Exercise and friendship have been show to be positively correlated with happiness. Do an experiment and skip one night of television a week to try something different.

Reading fluff magazines
What magazines do you read regularly? Are they really worth it? Try skipping a few weeks of your typical magazines or letting your subscriptions lapse. Then examine your feelings and decide which, if any, you want to continue.

Other time wasters or habits
Honestly examine any typical habits or things you do for their time wasting vs. providing value ratio. Do experiments limiting the time you spend doing them (you might use a kitchen timer) or stopping them for a short time to examine the change in the quality of your life or the time you have available to do things you have been wanting to do; pursue a neglected hobby; spend more time exercising; spend more time with your family; finally write that book you have been wanting to write; and so on.
_____________________________________________

Bill O’Hanlon, M.S., Possibilities, 223 N. Guadalupe #278, Santa Fe, NM 87501 USA 800.381.2374; Fax# 505.983.2761; PossiBill@brieftherapy.com; http://www.brieftherapy.com/