The Feeling of Belonging is a Gift

The feeling of belonging - knowing that we have a place - is one of the most important gifts that two partners can give to each other. When we agree to commit ourselves to a partnership, we give each other the key to our daily lives. We allow our mate to be there with us in a way we would not let others. That means that we can expect to have a place that does not have to be renegotiated every day. This feeling of belonging is a gift, but it must be received. In essence, we say to our partner, "I take my place here in your life because we have our relationship. I will relax. I don't stand at the door and knock. We have already told each other that we are included in each other's lives."

This sense of belonging stands in sharp contrast to those feelings of isolation and alienation that we can feel in so many ways. It does not mean that one partner owns the other or that no boundary or separateness exists. But the joy of connection frees people in relationships to fulfill themselves and carry on their lives while in the close comfort of one they love.

The Spirit of Generosity

The miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have. ~ Leonard Nimoy

Look around you at the happiest people you know. They are also the most generous and giving people. A generous spirit creates its own environment. In recovery we talk a lot about gratitude - and we have a lot to be grateful for. This feeling of gratitude inspires us to be generous toward others in many different ways. Most sharing is not of material things but a sharing of our spirit, our forgiveness, and our respect for others.

We can cultivate a generous spirit by reminding ourselves that we have enough. We have enough to live well, we are surrounded by love, we have been forgiven for many wrongs that we committed, and life is filled with interesting adventure. When we share from this sense of abundance, our feeling of well-being only grows.

The Gift of Misfortune

Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet. ~ Roger Miller

Gifts are usually surprises. We don't generally know what the ribbons, bows, and wrapping conceal.

Life's greatest misfortunes are, in retrospect, often referred to as gifts. While our debt can feel like a curse, when we finally get to the bottom of what's happened to us, we're surprised to find something good - a gift or blessing of sorts. Through our misfortune, we may have developed some true and lasting relationships, learned we had some admirable qualities we didn't know we had, or discovered the meaning of courage.

To Give, To Receive

To give and to receive are one in truth. ~ A Course in Miracles

Giving our love away, honoring someone in need by giving our full attention, will usually bring kindness and concern in return. And unkindness and neglect on our part are likely to result in the same from others. We will usually elicit that which we've so thoughtfully or thoughtlessly given.

Not many elements in our life are so fully in our control as how we choose to treat other people. There are few among us who aren't moved by another's expression of pure, unconditional love. We are humbled by it and feel valued. We can honor the existence of our fellow travelers by our open, willing love for them too.

We need to feel appreciated. And yet, to express appreciation is such a simple act, one that has profound effects for all concerned. Acts of kindness multiply very quickly; we contribute to a world favoring our true humanity when we give out loving thoughts even as we receive them.

Season's Greetings from The Vocal Majority Chorus

Christmas...         A Time to Believe                                                  Four Magical Christmas Shows at the Eisemann Center                                                   and a Brand New Vocal Majority Christmas CD ! Believe   2007 Christmas Shows  December 13, 14 & 15   The Eisemann Center  Richardson, Texas  Four Exciting Performances Join the Vocal Majority Chorus as we take you and the entire family to the North Pole to renew what we all believe during this marvelous time of the year.    Click here to Order Tickets Today! The Newest Vocal Majority Christmas CD The Vocal Majority's new 2007 Christmas recording, Believe, featuring the title song from the movie, "Polar Express," and other extraordinary sounds of the season.  Click here to Order Your CD Today!   eWhen ordering tickets, make certain to use Code 5107 for a 10% discount off your tickets!f  All four of the Vocal Majority's 2007 Christmas shows will be at the magnificent Charles W. Eisemann Center for the Performing Arts in Richardson, Texas, conveniently located off North Central Expressway and Galatyn Parkway.    Choose either Thursday, December 13 at 8:00 pm; Friday, December 14 at 8:00 pm; our Saturday, December 15 matinee at 2:00 pm; or our Saturday evening performance at 8:00 pm.   Parking is plentiful, easy and convenient, with full accessibility for those needing extra assistance.    Great seats are still available but they're going fast!! Tickets come in a variety of price levels, such as $10, $18, $25, $32 and $43. Order your tickets now at www.VocalMajority.com or by calling the Eisemann ticket office at 972-744-4650. Group/Junior/Senior discount tickets are available to all shows except Saturday evening and may be purchased by calling Eisemann ticket office at 972-744-4650.

Merry Christmas from the Men of The Vocal  Majority

Anger as a Strategy

Anger helps straighten out a problem like a fan helps straighten out a pile of papers. ~ Susan Marcotte

Some of us have temper tantrums. Like black clouds, we threaten an outburst at any moment. Other people learn to check us out for storm warnings. They want time to clear out or at least to put on a protective covering. We've caught them by surprise before, and they didn't like it. Now they've learned to watch out - to stay on their toes when we're around. Intimidating people, making them glad when we're not around so they can relax, is a poor way to relate to others.

And what do the outbursts do for us? Is there a cheap sense of power or control for a few minutes? Are we advertising to the world that we're short on coping skills? Or do we tell ourselves that letting off steam is necessary once in a while, conveniently forgetting the steam blasting in other people's faces?

No tirade ever solved a problem. Anger is not a strategy. We don't have the right to rain on other people's parades. Our program can teach us better ways to deal with our anger - with honesty and fairness to ourselves and others.

Real Love...

In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person. ~ Margaret Anderson

The expression of real love is so easy between grandparents and children - and between good friends it passes effortlessly. But why is it so hard to share real love with a spouse or lover? Why, instead, do we want to possess them? And from them we dream of selfless devotion. Yet neither possession nor devotion guarantees the security we long for.

Real love is not selfish; it frees both the giver and the receiver. Knowing we're loved sustains our hearts and diminishes our difficulties. It doesn't bind us, yet paradoxically it bonds our hearts. These encouragements to grow, to change, to dare to depart if it's for our own good, are expressions of real love. Real love is never ownership, only stewardship of this moment's experiences.

What If...

What if . . . we knew for certain that everything we're worried about today will work out fine?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, what if we knew that three years from now we'd be grateful for that problem, and its solution?

What if . . . we knew that even our worst fear would work out for the best?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that everything that's happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they're intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don't have to control or take responsibility for them?

What if . . . we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?

What if . . . we knew everything was okay, and we didn't have to worry about a thing? What would we do then?

We'd be free to let go and enjoy life.

Know & Accept Thyself

Resolve to be thyself; and know, that he who finds himself, loses his misery. ~ Matthew Arnold

We all have known the braggarts, the boastful ones who constantly toot their own horns. These people crave approval because they don't yet approve of themselves. There are those who do the same thing but they're not so noisy about it. The girl who says she's ugly even though she's pretty, or the guy who says he's dumb even though he isn't. These are not humble people. They are people who need to learn to approve of themselves.

We don't have to be either of these people now. We can honestly look at ourselves and see our strengths and weaknesses for what they are. We don't have to put ourselves down today. Best of all, we can now accept compliments graciously.

Taking Action & Letting Go

Today I will practice looking at situations and learning the difference between "taking action" and "letting go." Many times I need to take care of things that seem difficult or overwhelming, and I have to push myself to get them done because I know they are necessary or good for me. This is called taking action.

There are other times when I want things to get done a certain way or in a certain amount of time. These things may not be within my control, and I may feel frustrated that I can't change them when or how I want to. This is when it's important to learn the art of letting go, which is usually harder than taking action.

I will practice taking action when I need to and letting go of the things I have no control over.

Borders Coupon

Hello, all! I came across a nice Borders Coupon today that I thought you might like to use for yourself or for someone you love. Enjoy!

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else. ~ Will Rogers

We laugh when others do something silly. We're amused when something funny happens to them. But if the same happens to us and people laugh, we might give them the evil eye.

Yet, when others laugh, it can free us. It frees us to see the world through new eyes. Likewise, when we laugh at ourselves, we're free to see ourselves with new eyes. Instead of trying to be perfect, we accept we're human. To laugh at ourselves is to accept ourselves. There's no room for shame when we laugh. We enjoy ourselves just as we are. Can I accept the fact I'm human and I have limits?

Blessed are those who laugh at themselves for they will never cease to be amused. ~ Unknown

Fall Trip to Abilene, TX, and Santa Fe, NM

Just finished uploading my few pictures from my trip a few weeks back. See what you think! I had a great time. Only way it could've been better, is if you had been with me!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=63291&l=fc919&id=502930272

Doing Our Best

"The winners were not the ones who did not fall; but rather, those who got up and then, finished the race."

Perhaps we are saving our best effort for the "big break." When such and such happens, then I'll give it my best shot. What we don't realize, however, is that success comes from doing a lot of little things well. Learning to live means learning to manage all our daily responsibilities.

If we can't keep our clothes clean, take out the garbage, or get up on time, how can we expect to handle promotions, marriages, and crises? Daily effort may seem inconsequential, but our big break is the result of all our todays well lived.

We Are Not Alone

Trouble is a part of life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough. ~ Dinah Shore

Just as gravity keeps us grounded and connected to the earth, our community keeps us bound to our sanity and commitments. The various communities available to us keep us in reality. A problem pondered in isolation seems immense; the same problem shared by those who truly understand is manageable. We need other people from the moment we are born. We need to be included, to feel we're a part of something larger than ourselves. Our spirits hunger for contact from others, and thirst for a relationship with God.

Our fellowship is there, a warm, friendly, and accepting family. God loves us. We are not alone, no matter where we travel, no matter how large our problems seem at the moment. Our joys are doubled and our sadness diminished through the sharing of our hearts.

OK, gonna try something a little different for me and keep a live blog of my trip out west this year. Really, one can only listen to so many books on tape, talk on the phone, surf the internet, and balance their bank accounts so long before getting bored...oh, and drive. Forgot to include that. Well, got on tbe road this morning about 630AM having packed enough stuff to keep me clothed and entertained to drive to Alaska and back. I'm currently driving to Abilene to see many dear friends and spend 24 hrs. before continuing my journey to Santa Fe, New Mexico, Thursday morning. (going thru Thurber/Mingus - Hello, Smokestack Restaurant!) In Santa Fe, I'll be attending a work conference about using film clips of current movies in therapeutic sessions as metaphors and to promote growth. Should be a great conference, but I'm also - up Ranger Hill - so looking forward to being back in Santa Fe...the crisp weather, smells of coffee, sage, and piñon, the colorful and friendly townsfolk, the thermal mineral baths of Ojo Caliente, and the spa services of Ten Thousand Waves. Ahhhhh...I love me some Santa Fe. Before leaving, my brothers in Celebrate Recovery prayed Ephesians 3:14-19 over me for protection and focus for my trip. Feel free to join me/us in praying that for me these next six days. Ok, s'nuff for now. More later. ~ Michael

The Vocal Majority

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!...a rare glimpse behind-the-scenes as the "men" of this world-famous, 11 time gold-medalist chorus prepare for their up-coming fall show!

Alone in Community

Let him who cannot be alone beware of community. He will only do harm to himself and to the community. Alone you stood before God when He called you; alone you had to answer that call; alone you had to struggle and pray; and alone you will die and give an account to God. You cannot escape yourself; for God has singled you out. If you refuse to be alone, you are rejecting Christ's call to you, and you can have no part in the community of those who are called.... Let him who is not in community beware of being alone. Into the community you were called -- the call was not meant for you alone; in the community of the called you bear your cross, you struggle, you pray. You are not alone even in death, and on the Last Day you will be only one of the great congregation of Jesus Christ. If you scorn the fellowship of the brethren, you reject the call of Jesus Christ.

~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The Dark Side

Have you ever gone outside at night and looked closely at the new moon? Or looked through a telescope at the moon when it was crescent shaped? Although what we see is a bright slice, we know there's more. Even when the moon is full and lights the night sky, there's a dark side to the moon.

There's a dark side to us too. We all experience jealousy, envy, bitterness, resentment. How about neediness? Ugh. Who wants to shine a light on that?

What about all those fears? Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of intimacy, fear of going broke, fear of the unknown, fear of growing old, fear of being alone, fear of being with someone, fear of losing control.

Then there are other parts of us that we would prefer to keep darkened and out of sight, parts such as greed, dishonesty, intolerance, disgust, hatred. Although some people have no problem showing anger, others of us prefer to keep that out of sight too. And what about our manipulative part? Who wants anyone to see that?

Some of us may even consider the dark side of ourselves forbidden. We may refuse to acknowledge it exists because we believe it's wrong. Not acknowledging our dark side doesn't wish it out of existence, any more than not seeing the dark side of the moon makes it disappear.

Most sane people agree that they don't want to be controlled by their dark side. We don't want parts of ourselves - jealousy, neediness, and greed - to control our behaviors. But when we don't acknowledge these emotions and traits, they can gain control. The more we try to repress something, the more it fights for its life.

Don't be afraid. Shine a light on that dark part. At least look at it briefly. Acknowledge it's there. Take some of the pressure off. Let yourself be well rounded, instead of one-dimensional. We don't just have a light side, a bright side. Nobody is always loving, always kind, always generous, and always thoughtful.

Mile by mile, life's a trial

Mile by mile, life's a trial.
Yard by yard, it's not so hard.
Inch by inch, it's a cinch.

An important key to progress on the path is to take it one step at a time. Just as investing a little on a regular basis builds long-term wealth, the little gains we make each day pay off in spiritual dividends. As a successful musical group explained, "We spent years preparing for our overnight success."

Taking it one step at a time means living in the present moment, letting life gradually reveal itself to us. Some people get nervous and want to know the final outcome. But how can we know an outcome that hasn't yet occurred? Trust in the process, and the perfect result will occur.

When our faith wavers, we often get ahead of ourselves and try to figure out what is going to happen. This "future tripping" removes us from our source of guidance in the present. Sometimes we try to hit it big in a hurry. But there is no fooling the Universe. Sooner or later we will have to go back and retrace the steps that we skipped. The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.

Whatever the goal or desire, approach it one step at a time. Small measures consistently taken guarantee progress. Eventually you will emerge victorious, having attained a reward that you have truly earned.

Love

I Love, Therefore You Are : Why the modern search for self ends in despair.

Mark Galli posted 6/28/2007 08:41AM

Christianity Today

In a recent issue of The New Yorker, you can find a cartoon (see attached) with a couple sitting on a couch. One says to the other, "I don't want to be defined by who I am."

The line is so human and so modern. The human part is what makes it funny: Often, when we discover who we are, we want to deny it. But it's the modern part that most interests me: that relentless search for self, the yearning to know who I am.

As with so much of modernity, this is a highly individualistic quest, and as such, it is a pointless quest. Not because the search for meaning is pointless, but because the context of modernity—the individual—is a myth.

The myth becomes apparent when we start considering who we are from a biblical and Trinitarian perspective. Both the rigors of orthodox theology and the plain sense of New Testament passages reveal that the Trinity is not merely a formal and logical explanation of God's inner essence. It points to a reality that spills over into the universe. The reality is exposed ever so briefly by Jesus when, in praying for his disciples he says:



The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me … . I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them." (John 17:22, 26).


The formal doctrine of the Trinity, then, helps us grasp the nature of divine love.



First, it makes it clear that God's love for us cannot be based on his need for love and fellowship—as if we were necessary for a God of love to be complete. One hears this sort of silliness now and then, but it cannot be true of the Trinitarian God. This God has known love, and perfect love at that, from before the creation of time and space—love swirling between the Father and Son and Spirit. God created us not because he had to have someone to love to be self-fulfilled as God, but because the love of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit bubbled over into creation.



Given the type of love we reciprocate with—something rather paltry—this is a remarkable grace. God is slumming when he loves us. He doesn't need our imitation of perfect love, yet he reaches out, wanting us to grab his hand, simply because, well, he wants to.



Second, it sheds light on the modern question about who we are. For this Trinity-in-love, this Loving Trinity, is the God in whose image we have been created. If loving communion is at the core of the Trinity, it is also at the core of who we are.

Since the Enlightenment, we in the West have thought of ourselves mostly as solitary individuals, and individuals mostly defined by mind, by intellect. As Descartes put it, "I think, therefore I am."

This insight has blessed the Western world in many ways, but it has cursed us as well. It has led to an excruciating loneliness, which nineteenth and twentieth-century existentialists (Camus and Sartre, among others) articulated so powerfully. In the twenty-first century, it has led to deep despair, as expressed by many postmodern philosophers. When we take the individual as the starting point, we can find no way to satisfy the basic yearning of the human heart, which has been created for communion.



The biblical starting point, by contrast, says, "I love, therefore you are. You love, therefore I am." Our existence begins not with the solitary individual ruminating alone about the core of human identity, but with the creation of two people in relationship: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Gen. 1.27).



The question "Who am I" cannot be answered without first answering the question "Who are we?" We cannot conceive of ourselves (without stumbling into mere abstraction or doing violence to who we are) until we conceive of the other. At a very practical level, no human life can survive without the reciprocation of love.



Thus, our primary duty in life is not to find ourselves, to develop our gifts, or to make sense of life. Instead, we are called to love others so that they can come into existence, while they do the same for us.



That includes the miracle of creating babies, but it also means we can bring already breathing beings into existence. A simple example: As a teenager, my church youth director told me he wanted me to prepare a devotional for one of our weekly meetings. I objected, saying I was not ready or capable of doing so. He said I was being silly, that I was indeed ready, and insisted I prepare the devotional. I've had many such encounters in my life, when people have seen something in me that I have not seen in myself, and they have called it forth, out of the chaos. They have created me, that is, made me who I am today.



Sharing a meal or conversation, even sitting in silence with another, are acts that validate the existence of the other. Even we introverts recognize that life would be unbearable—I mean this literally; I would likely commit suicide—if we didn't have people in our lives. People like me may find it difficult to create or sustain intimacy, but because intimacy is available to entice (and frighten!) me, my life is not only bearable but also possible.



This all starts from the fact that we are first loved by God into existence, an existence framed by the Trinity-in-love, the image into which we have been created. Thus, we share in the mission of this Trinity, which is to create and sustain other beings in love.



That is not only our mission, but also our very identity: beings in relationship, beings defined by love. Because to love is to suffer, we might not want to be defined by this! But Jesus never said "abundant life" would be an easy life, only a blessed one.

---

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/juneweb-only/126-42.0.html

Mark Galli is managing editor of Christianity Today and author of Jesus Mean and Wild: The Unexpected Love of an Untameable God (Baker 2007). You can respond to this column below, or on his blog.

Love Is A Process

"I left because there was no room for me. But you could tell me not to go. Say it to me. Tell me not to go." ~ Stephen Sondheim, Sunday in the Park with George

To leave someone we love is to knowingly break a vital connection. Even if we chose to leave, we wonder why it often hurts so much. But the heart isn't logical; it feels the trauma of the loss and the responsibility of being the one to say good-bye.

Love is a process; it doesn't end because we say good-bye. No matter how painful or harmful a relationship was, there were good things about it, just as there were lovable things about the other person. The challenge is to accept with grace the choice we've made and to forgive whatever hurt we've received. We can refuse to indulge in self-righteousness or indignation. Those feelings are born out of the illusion of power that comes with being the one who leaves. Most of all, we can grieve the loss and then let go of the person we loved so that we can heal.

Love versus Isolation

"Love itself is not an act of will, but sometimes I need the force of my volition to break with my habitual responses and pass along the love already here." ~ Hugh Prather

The familiarity of isolation is both haunting and inviting. In our separateness we contemplate the joys of shared hours with others while seeking the freedom from the pain that likewise hovers on the heels of intimate relationships. The question eternally whispering around our souls is, "Do I dare let you in, to share my space, to know my heart's longing, to feel my fears?" Only when we trust to say yes will we find the peace our souls long for.

Passage through the doors that separate us frees us to change, to grow, to love ourselves and others. We must plant our feet in the soil of shared lives to quiet our longing.

Amazing Art Pieces by an up and coming artist

The art portfolio of Jordan Blakey. Some of these pieces are jaw dropping. He has an art show on June 22 in Dallas at the Starbucks at Dalrock and 66. This guy is freakin good



read more | digg story

Changing Myself Is Enough

I can change only myself, but sometimes that is enough. ~ Ruth Humlecker

Happiness is more fleeting for some of us than for others. We may ponder this notion but fail to grasp the reason. However, careful attention to how "the happy ones" go through life will enlighten us. We will note how seldom they complain about others' actions. We will discover their willingness to accept others as they are. We will see that their attention is generally on the positive aspects of people and circumstances rather than on the negative.

We can join the parade of "happy ones" by letting go of our need to change people and situations that disturb us. Even when we are certain other people are wrong, we can let go of controlling them. Doing this means changing ourselves, of course. But this is the one thing in life we do have control over.

Night of Music Legends: Art by Jordan Blakey

An art show of paintings & photography by Jordan Blakey at the Starbucks in Rowlett. Theme will be rock stars!Paintings of Hendrix, Bob Marley, John Lennon, Freddy Murcury, Johnny Cash, and even some modern rockers like Brandon Boyd, 2D - from Gorillaz, John Mayer.

Recognizing & Eliminating Your Typical Distractions & Time Wasters

Checking email too often
There is some research that indicates that switching tasks or multi-tasking takes time as the brain adjusts to the new activity. If you are an addictive or compulsive email checker, consider doing an experiment to decrease the time spent checking your email:
- Limit checking your email to the Dr. Pepper pattern: 10-2-4. If you can manage, go down to 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. Then to once a day.
- Turn off the audible or visual indicator for new mail arriving.
- Set up automatic emails (autoresponderers) or websites to handle most repetitive inquiries. See an example of a site that I set up for the organizers of my workshops to get what they need from me at http://www.possibill.com/sponsors. This has saved me about 12 hours a month.
- Get off any mailing lists you no longer read, including this one Life's too short. Or gently ask the person who sends you all those political or humor emails to take you off their list, citing the desire to spend less time on the computer and more time living your life or spending time with your loved ones.

Surfing websites or the web too much
Here are some strategies to decrease your web surfing time. Learn more efficient web surfing. The few minutes you put in to this can save you hours of time each year. I learned one strategy (how to search a site I am on for the particular phrase of word I am looking for by choosing a menu command (it's usually under the Edit menu and is the "Find" or "Find on this page" option. This has saved me hours of time this year. Identify the sites you visit often and think clearly about the value vs. time spent equation. Are those funny YouTube videos really adding to the quality of your life? When I examined this area, I found I was visiting Macintosh rumor sites regularly. Ridiculous waste of time which added little value.

Watching mindless television shows
Do you really care who can dance or sing better than others? Or have you been led to care by clever television executives? At the end of the year, is the quality of your life better due to the television you have watched or not? Try going for a walk with a friend . Exercise and friendship have been show to be positively correlated with happiness. Do an experiment and skip one night of television a week to try something different.

Reading fluff magazines
What magazines do you read regularly? Are they really worth it? Try skipping a few weeks of your typical magazines or letting your subscriptions lapse. Then examine your feelings and decide which, if any, you want to continue.

Other time wasters or habits
Honestly examine any typical habits or things you do for their time wasting vs. providing value ratio. Do experiments limiting the time you spend doing them (you might use a kitchen timer) or stopping them for a short time to examine the change in the quality of your life or the time you have available to do things you have been wanting to do; pursue a neglected hobby; spend more time exercising; spend more time with your family; finally write that book you have been wanting to write; and so on.

_____________________________________________

Bill O’Hanlon, M.S., Possibilities, 223 N. Guadalupe #278, Santa Fe, NM 87501 USA 800.381.2374; Fax# 505.983.2761; PossiBill@brieftherapy.com; http://www.brieftherapy.com/

Our Flowers

"The human brain forgets ninety percent of what goes on. "  ~ Jan Milner

There were two women who shared a house and raised their daughters, two toddlers, together. Then one of the women got transferred to another city and moved with her daughter.

Ten years later, they had a reunion. The mothers asked their kids what they remembered about living together. Did they remember all the books? No. Did they remember a mom in the kitchen every morning, fixing eggs and toast? No.

What they remembered was playing in the pink bathtub for hours, pulling the pink shower curtain shut for privacy. And the morning the mothers sneaked in, turned off the lights, threw plastic cups and spoons over the curtain and cried, "It's raining spoons!" They laughed and laughed.

We are lucky in this life--our minds think laughter is what's worth remembering.

Unconditional Love...

"Unconditional love corresponds to one of the deepest longings, not only of the child, but of every human being." ~ Erich Fromm

Feeling the need to be perfect to ensure we'll be loved is as familiar as the robin's whistle heralding spring. Am I too fat to be loved? Do people think I'm dumb when I speak out? Mistakenly, we feel unique in our struggles with our fears of inadequacy, thus we fail to find comfort among friends and strangers who share our selected fears.

If we could understand our sameness with others, we'd be able to feel the gentle urging within to acknowledge their presence, their smiles, and their messages, which are assuredly meant for our ears only. Their desire, like our own, is for the promise of love.

You Will Find What You Seek

"The principle of life is that life responds by corresponding; your life becomes the thing you have decided it shall be." ~ Raymond Charles Barker

The attitude that we carry with us into a particular setting will greatly influence our perceptions of any event. Our attitude also influences, positively or negatively, personal interactions, and not just those involving ourselves. The effect of our message is this: our personal power is profound. We have explicit control over our own perceptions. We determine our own attitudes. Every moment of our lives we are deciding what we want to see, to think, to feel. And reflections will inform us that our expectations are firmly fulfilled.

How exhilarating to become aware of our freedom to think and to feel as we wish. However, with this freedom comes responsibility. We're barred from blaming others for our troubles. Each of us is charged with the responsibility for deciding our own fate. How we prepare ourselves for this experience or this day is individually chosen. Every minute we are in control of our perceptions, our attitudes, and our responses.

The Ant & The Grasshopper...revisited

THE CLASSIC VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. THE END

THE CANADIAN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

So far, so good, eh?

Then, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving. The CBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. Canadians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The NDP, the CAW and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The CBC, interrupting an Inuit cultural festival special from Nunavut with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome." Sven Robinson rants in an interview with Pamela Wallin that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share". In response to polls, the Liberal Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

The ant moves to the US, and starts a successful agribiz company.

The CBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it. Inadequate government funding is blamed, Roy Romanow is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost $10,000,000.

The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Toronto Star blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity.

The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Canada's multicultural diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana grow op and terrorize the community. THE END

Letting Resentments Go

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." ~ Carrie Fisher

Resentments are sneaky, tricky little things. They can convince us they're justified. They can dry up our hearts. They can sabotage our happiness. They can sabotage love.

Most of us have been at the receiving end of an injustice at some time in our lives. Most of us know someone who's complained of an injustice we've done to him or her. Life can be a breeding ground for resentments, if we let it.

"Yes, but this time I really was wronged," we complain.

Maybe you were. But harboring resentment isn't the solution. If it were, our resentment list would resemble the Los Angeles telephone directory. Deal with your feelings. Learn whatever lesson is at hand. Then let the feelings go.

Resentments are a coping behavior, a tool of someone settling for survival in life. They're a form or revenge. The problem is, no matter whom we're resenting, the anger is ultimately directed against ourselves.

Take a moment. Search your heart. Have you tricked yourself into harboring resentment? If you have, take another moment and let that resentment go.

Remembering to Love

"One of the attributes of love . . . is to bring harmony and order out of chaos." ~ Molly Haskell

Have we forgotten how to love in our hurried passage through life? Perhaps we need reminding that love focuses our attention and guides our direction. Our actions aren't hurried and our feelings aren't confused and unraveled when we're loving others and ourselves. Love offers form and enhancement to each moment.

When we experience the love of another, we remember our importance, and theirs, to the circle of life, and we feel encouraged, at times even impelled, to share the enchantment of love with someone new.

When the day's frantic activities crowd the heart's silent places, we must slow our pace and take notice of the loved ones in our presence, there by intent, remembering with them the design that has captured us and given meaning to our lives.

GOHU Research...Just Because

In Robert Cialdini's book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, he cites Eleen Langer's interesting research that found that people are more likely to comply with requests and do people favors if the request is followed by the word "because."

She had people cut to the front of a long line at the copy machine in the library and ask to be allowed to make copies before all the people who had been waiting in line for a while to make copies. The study found that 94% of people acceded to the request when it was followed by the phrase "because I am in a rush." while only 60% acceded to the request with a reason given. But what was really amazing was that when the reason was changed to "because I have to make some copies," nearly as many (93%) acceded as with the "I'm in a rush" reason.

Professor Cialdini suggests that we are programmed socially to accede to request when reasons are offered.

He who has ears, let him hear.

I always entertain great hopes. ~ Robert Frost

In our honest journey, we must admit life is often difficult and painful. But these facts do not describe all of life, and they do not determine how we respond. The sun rises warm and bright after a cold and dark night. The open, generous smile of a small child reaches into the soft part of us all. To be strong and hardy men on this path, we must be truthful about the pain and unfairness in life while holding firmly to a belief in all the generous possibilities.

Surrendering to despair, we trade the uncertainty of options for the certainty of gloom. Then we might say, "At least I'm never disappointed this way." Life isn't filled only with difficulty and pain. It is also filled with people whose dignity and spirit rise above their circumstances. There are situations when great sacrifice or love and wisdom turn a problem into an opportunity and strength. If we look at what has happened in our own lives and in those of others, we have ample reason to hope.

Living Your Priorities

"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." ~ Goethe

Here is a simple way to get in touch with your priorities. Imagine that you have an incurable illness and are given six months to live. As the doctors inform you of their findings, see yourself accepting your imminent mortality with the resolve, "I am going to spend the last months of my life living to the fullest, doing those things that are truly important to me." Then imagine yourself living out those six months in the manner in which you have decided.

Afterwards, note your experience. During your remaining days, what did you do, who did you see, and where did you go? What do these choices say about what is really important to you - your values and priorities? Are you living them today? If you are not, you may want to learn from Tony's story.

After being diagnosed with AIDS, Tony decided to embrace life. He bought a house, planted a garden, and nurtured his important relationships. As a result, he lived the remaining three years of his life in pure joy.

The tragedy is that his life ended just as he was beginning to live. Why wait for a life threatening experience to motivate you to take action? Confront your fears and pursue what brings you happiness and joy.

There is no better time than now.

"To the extent that we want something from someone, to that exact degree we will be in pain." ~ Joan Walsh Anglund

The more I want from others, the less I seem to get. "I want what I want when I want it!" is a set-up for pain. To constantly expect and demand from others is like feeding fat to my ego. It grows large and spoiled. After a while of that expectation gluttony, I become obsessed with controlling others. Every rejection is magnified by my blaming anger. It feeds the LIE that I have an empty hole inside that must be filled by others.

When I stop expecting, demanding, and controlling, new miracles begin to happen. People actually start to move toward me. I become safe to others as they sense they can freely choose to give or not to give to me.

Dear Lord, help me to know today that all I have been needing all my life is found in You. Amen

Every human being is a problem in search of a solution. ~ Ashley Montagu

Each of us is a strong and fragile creature. We're always subject to forces outside our control, and we're learning steps for living that help us cope and rise above these problems. Our particular situation might seem special to us but in another sense, everyone's situation is a unique problem. Spiritual growth is the result of coming face to face with our own situation, feeling the brunt of our own puzzlement, recognizing no recipe will apply completely, and then trusting our loving Father God as we make unsure responses.

No school or parent can ever teach us enough to smooth our search for solutions. We become complete human beings by living through the muddle, by truly trusting our connections with God and other people to carry us along until we find clarity again. We progress into adulthood when we meet our own particular life crises. We learn to see we have this process in common with every human being. Rather than resist our problems, we band together with others and pool our strength to find solutions.

Dear Lord, help me see my problems today as opportunities for spiritual growth. Amen

I've never made so many women cry...

So, on Wednesday, February 14, from 8AM-5PM, I was running all over east Dallas, Mesquite, and downtown Dallas doing Singing Valentines with three other guys from the Vocal Majority. This is a tradition for quartets and choruses in the Barbershop Harmony Society. We do it every year and there are actually quartets available in all 50 states and even some international countries. Anyway, we had a big time. We sang for 13 different people, at office buildings, homes, a nursing facility, etc. We even managed to fit in a few freebies. We sang for our breakfast at Barbec's, dropped by my CPA's office and sang to his secretary - hey! Tax season is coming and I need every little edge I can get! - and (this shouldn't surprise you at all) we even sang for free coffee at Starbucks!

Something about me...and something about you...

There's a brief psychological exam that has been in use for years called the Myers-Briggs Temperament Inventory*. It has been around for so long because it is both reliable (shows consistent results) and valid (actually demonstrates what it claims). I first took the Myers-Briggs in college and have taken it since then a number of times, all with the same results.

I am a Counselor Idealist (INFJ). For a brief description of this Type and to learn more "about me" go to this website - http://www.keirsey.com/personality/nfij.html - and/or just Google INFJ and learn to your heart's content!

*To take a FREE online version of the Myers-Briggs Temperament Inventory, go to http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm and follow the instructions. If you want, feel free to post your results in a bulletin or on your blog. If you don't care to, however, be assured that no tragedy, illness or blight on your current/future love life will befall you.

Sushi and Singing on Thursdays!

One of my favorite times of
the week is on Thursdays -
after work but before Vocal
Majority rehearsal - when I
meet my buddy, Mitch, for a
HUGE sushi dinner. The sushi
is actually normal size...
there's just a lot of it! Yum!
:-)

...boooooriiiiing..

Yeah...maybe I'll get around to actually blogging something besides pictures of myself one of these days...

My Celebrity Look-Alikes - 3

http://www.myheritage.com