Letting Resentments Go

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." ~ Carrie Fisher

Resentments are sneaky, tricky little things. They can convince us they're justified. They can dry up our hearts. They can sabotage our happiness. They can sabotage love.

Most of us have been at the receiving end of an injustice at some time in our lives. Most of us know someone who's complained of an injustice we've done to him or her. Life can be a breeding ground for resentments, if we let it.

"Yes, but this time I really was wronged," we complain.

Maybe you were. But harboring resentment isn't the solution. If it were, our resentment list would resemble the Los Angeles telephone directory. Deal with your feelings. Learn whatever lesson is at hand. Then let the feelings go.

Resentments are a coping behavior, a tool of someone settling for survival in life. They're a form or revenge. The problem is, no matter whom we're resenting, the anger is ultimately directed against ourselves.

Take a moment. Search your heart. Have you tricked yourself into harboring resentment? If you have, take another moment and let that resentment go.

Remembering to Love

"One of the attributes of love . . . is to bring harmony and order out of chaos." ~ Molly Haskell

Have we forgotten how to love in our hurried passage through life? Perhaps we need reminding that love focuses our attention and guides our direction. Our actions aren't hurried and our feelings aren't confused and unraveled when we're loving others and ourselves. Love offers form and enhancement to each moment.

When we experience the love of another, we remember our importance, and theirs, to the circle of life, and we feel encouraged, at times even impelled, to share the enchantment of love with someone new.

When the day's frantic activities crowd the heart's silent places, we must slow our pace and take notice of the loved ones in our presence, there by intent, remembering with them the design that has captured us and given meaning to our lives.

GOHU Research...Just Because

In Robert Cialdini's book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, he cites Eleen Langer's interesting research that found that people are more likely to comply with requests and do people favors if the request is followed by the word "because."

She had people cut to the front of a long line at the copy machine in the library and ask to be allowed to make copies before all the people who had been waiting in line for a while to make copies. The study found that 94% of people acceded to the request when it was followed by the phrase "because I am in a rush." while only 60% acceded to the request with a reason given. But what was really amazing was that when the reason was changed to "because I have to make some copies," nearly as many (93%) acceded as with the "I'm in a rush" reason.

Professor Cialdini suggests that we are programmed socially to accede to request when reasons are offered.

He who has ears, let him hear.

I always entertain great hopes. ~ Robert Frost

In our honest journey, we must admit life is often difficult and painful. But these facts do not describe all of life, and they do not determine how we respond. The sun rises warm and bright after a cold and dark night. The open, generous smile of a small child reaches into the soft part of us all. To be strong and hardy men on this path, we must be truthful about the pain and unfairness in life while holding firmly to a belief in all the generous possibilities.

Surrendering to despair, we trade the uncertainty of options for the certainty of gloom. Then we might say, "At least I'm never disappointed this way." Life isn't filled only with difficulty and pain. It is also filled with people whose dignity and spirit rise above their circumstances. There are situations when great sacrifice or love and wisdom turn a problem into an opportunity and strength. If we look at what has happened in our own lives and in those of others, we have ample reason to hope.