The Feeling of Belonging is a Gift

The feeling of belonging - knowing that we have a place - is one of the most important gifts that two partners can give to each other. When we agree to commit ourselves to a partnership, we give each other the key to our daily lives. We allow our mate to be there with us in a way we would not let others. That means that we can expect to have a place that does not have to be renegotiated every day. This feeling of belonging is a gift, but it must be received. In essence, we say to our partner, "I take my place here in your life because we have our relationship. I will relax. I don't stand at the door and knock. We have already told each other that we are included in each other's lives."

This sense of belonging stands in sharp contrast to those feelings of isolation and alienation that we can feel in so many ways. It does not mean that one partner owns the other or that no boundary or separateness exists. But the joy of connection frees people in relationships to fulfill themselves and carry on their lives while in the close comfort of one they love.