05 June 2008

New Element Discovered!

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Haha, indeed. That's pretty accurate. I wonder what will happen when we reach critical morass? Hmm...
Well buddy, I got both of your postcards, I'm glad you had a great trip. Nice trick at St. Marks eh? Really nice photo too. Thanks for thinking of me, I hope you're well and that we cross paths soon. :)

(Might need your help with something soon, but I'll let you know)

Anonymous said...

Indeed, that's pretty accurate. Government systems need some serious help... or maybe need to be counterbalanced by revolution? But then, that's so uncivilized... maybe we'll just wait for critical morass.
Well man, I got your postcards, thanks for thinking of me. I'm glad you had a good trip. Nice trick you pulled off at St. Mark's in Venice. Aaaa de gohu es stawng wit u mah son *ho ho*. I don't know what that was...
Nice picture of the church too. It's all artsy and atmospheric.

Hope you're well. May our paths cross soon.